


Not Good Enough

by destinyjoy_xoxo



Category: One Direction
Genre: Angst, Crying, Cuddling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Self-Harm, Tears, could be triggering?, insecure!harry, self hate, vulnerable!Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-28
Updated: 2013-06-28
Packaged: 2017-12-16 10:34:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/861069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destinyjoy_xoxo/pseuds/destinyjoy_xoxo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is already a bit insecure and the hate he received after the Red or Black performance pushed him over the edge</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Good Enough

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope this doesn't trigger anyone. If it does please feel free to message me. My tumblr is staybrave-dontsurrender.tumblr.com and my ask is always open :)

Harry was so angry with himself. He had fucked up his solo and let everyone down. He had always know he wasn’t good enough to be in the band and his performance tonight proved that. The drive back home was awkward. Harry wasn’t talking to anyone, not even Louis, who was practically begging him to say something, anything. He was the first one out of the car once they arrived at the complex and he waited impatiently for Louis to come unlock the door. Once Louis had opened the door he walked in without a word and headed towards the stairs

"Harry please wait" Louis said. Harry turned around and raised an expectant eyebrow

"Why don’t we sit down and watch tv or talk or whatever" Harry shook his head

"No" He whispered then cleared his throat. “I just want to be alone" Louis’s hopeful expression disappeared and he nodded and sighed as he watched harry turn away from him and walk up the stairs. Louis went into the kitchen and busied himself by making tea. It took all of his self control not to throw the cup against the wall

———————————————————————————————-———————————————————-—-—-

Once Harry was upstairs he collapsed on the floor and finally let himself cry. He didn’t want to talk to Louis because he knew what he’d say. He’d tell him that he did good and that he was perfect and that everything was okay and Harry knew that was a lie. He’d heard what he sounded like and he’d read what people were saying about him and it was all far from perfect. He slowly pulled himself up off the floor and walked into the bathroom. He winced when he looked in the mirror and saw his disheveled hair, blood shot eyes and tear stained cheeks. He grabbed a cloth off the sink and opened the cabinet to get soap. When he reached for it he accidentally knocked his razor into the sink. He picked it up and stared at it, remembering everything he’d heard about razors relieving stress and pain. As if he was moving on autopilot he popped the blade out and held it between his fingers. He pressed it to his wrist with trembling fingers, the soap quickly forgotten. Before he could slide it against his skin the phone rang causing him to jump and drop the blade. With a shaky sigh he picked it up and pressed it against his skin once again. Slowly he slid it against his wrist and watched with intense fascination as the blood immediately started dripping down his fingers into the shiny white sink

———————————————————————————————-————————————————————-——

 

Downstairs Louis was oblivious. He had just finished his tea when the phone rang. He picked it up on the second ring thankful for the distraction.

"Hello..hey Liam…No I haven’t…because he wanted to be alone….I’m not gonna force him to talk!…he’s upstairs, has been ever since we got home..yeah I’m getting ready to..I will..alright bye.." Louis hung up the phone and glanced at the stairs. He desperately wanted to go talk to Harry. Knowing that his baby was suffering alone was killing him.

"Fuck it" He muttered to himself and quickly bounded up the stairs in search of his boyfriend. He slowly opened the door to their bedroom, bracing himself for the worst. He looked around in confusion when he didn’t see Harry anywhere. His internal questions were answered when he heard a noise from the bathroom. He made his way to the door and nervously turned the knob. His heart dropped to his stomach when he saw the state Harry was in. He watched, his body numb, as Harry slid the blade across his wrist, oblivious to Louis’s presence. Louis swallowed thickly, trying to hold back his tears

"Harry. Harry please stop" Louis begged, walking over and taking the blade out of Harry’s shaking hand. Harry looked over at him and Louis’s breath hitched at the look in his eyes. He could see the pain. disappointment and anger that was more than likely directed at himself. Harry didn’t say anything but Louis could see his bottom lip quivering as he started to cry again

"Shh. Hey it’s okay. Why don’t we get you cleaned up" Louis said softly. Harry nodded slowly in agreement. Louis turned on the water and adjusted the temperature before gently guiding Harry’s arm under the tap. He pressed a cloth against Harry’s cuts, wincing in sympathy when Harry inhaled sharply in pain

"Sorry baby" He said but Harry didn’t acknowledge him 

"Okay you’re good. Why don’t we go lay down and talk?" Louis suggested after drying Harry’s arm

"Alright" Harry went and laid on the bed. Louis mimicked his actions and pulled him into his arms

"Okay so I know you’re upset about your performance tonight. We’ll talk about that in a minute. First I’m gonna ask you something and I want you to be completely honest with me okay? Is what happened tonight the only reason you hurt yourself?" Harry opened to respond but quickly closed it and let out a defeated sigh

"No" He shook his head “It’s not" Louis nodded

"I didn’t think so. Do you wanna talk about it?"

"It’s just. I’m not good enough. I never have been"

"Good enough for what?" Louis asked his voice breaking on the last word

"For the band, the fame, the fans. For you" He whispered the last part looking down, not meeting Louis’s eyes. Louis felt like his heart was being ripped apart

"Oh honey. That is absolutely not true" He said gently forcing Harry’s head up. Harry squeezed his eyes shut and Louis softly brushed away the tears that fell

"Yes it is Louis. I know it is. You don’t have to lie to me"

"I’m not lying baby. You’re so perfect and amazing. I love you so much"

"I love you too" Harry interrupted. Louis gave him a small smile and squeezed his shoulder before continuing 

"You’re so talented. I could listen to your voice for the rest of my life. And you’re so nice and charming to everyone you meet. Fame hasn’t changed you at all and I love that about you. And you’re the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. I honestly don’t deserve you" Harry opened his mouth to protest but Louis stopped him with a finger to his lips

"Shh. I’m not looking for reassurance but it’s true. You amaze me everyday and it kills me to hear you say those things about yourself because it’s not true. None of it."

"But tonight-"

"Tonight went great. You were great. I promise"

"That’s not true. No one thinks that. Did you read the comments on twitter?"

"No I didn’t and I wish you didn’t because they don’t matter. They’re all just jealous of you"

"No they’re not. There’s nothing to be jealous of"

"Yes there is sweetheart. There is so much to be jealous of. You’re talented and funny and generous and caring and beautiful and the list just goes on and on"

"You mean that?" Harry asked in a small voice

"Yeah I do love. I mean every word"

"Thank you" Harry whispered burying his face in Louis’s neck. Louis pressed a soft kiss to his hair in response

"I’m sorry" Harry whimpered a few moments later

"What for baby?"

"Tonight. How I acted" Louis was still confused until he followed Harry’s eyes to the cuts on his wrists. Louis gave a soft sigh and brought Harry’s arm to his lips. He pressed a delicate kiss to every slice and Harry shed a few tears at the tenderness of the movements

"It’s okay darling. Everything’s okay. Just please don’t do it again okay? Come talk to me if you’re feeling down"

"I will" Harry promised. Louis nodded and rolled over so he was eye to eye with Harry. He wrapped one arm around his waist and grabbed Harry’s hand with the other. Harry did the same and buried his face in Louis’s neck again.

"Love you" Louis whispered when he felt Harry drifting off. Harry squeezed his hand in response before tuning out the world completely. Louis pressed one more kiss to his hair before he fell asleep with a small smile on his face

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback please? ♥


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